he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
