according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
