You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize