I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
