So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
