Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
