Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
