I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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