i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
