yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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