I hate all girls vehemently.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
