so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
