I seem to have left my pride at pride
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
