Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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