It's Friday. Sex?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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