How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
