dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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