I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
