Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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