a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
