you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
