i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His nipple licking is glorious
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