he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
