just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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