I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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