just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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