Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
