lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
