I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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