there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like eating out sand paper
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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