the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
