I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
