I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
