I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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