dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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