Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
