Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
