i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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