Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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