quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
