every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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