First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
