Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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