i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
