I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
