I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
