ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
