Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
