Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
