I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
