you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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