Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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