First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
