thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
